Day 1: Home to Upington

WE HAVE LIFT OFF !!!!!

4 days and 4 hours behind schedule, but as my good friend, Al, said “when you are away for 5 months, what’s 4.25 days”. We left home our home in Hurlingham at 10:00, our destination for today is Upington, according to Doris (our trusty G.P.S.), we should arrive at around 7:00. However, we are being slowed by numerous road work zones – those that only allow one lane of traffic at a time, with a sign informing motorists to “Please be patient, average 20 minute wait”. I am sitting at the 10^th one today and tired of being patient.

Graeme’s original plan to leave on Monday was always a touch optimistic, as I only finished school last Friday. We have both been pulled in opposite directions all week, sorting out final preparations for the trip – visas, police clearances for the vehicle, final touches to the car and trailer, shopping for those at home (Lettie and the animals), sorting out the kids in Cape Town, having jabs for all kinds of deadly diseases (it’s a wonder anybody in Africa is still alive). Not only did Dr Verster (Travel Clinic at Sandton Clinic) facilitate our jabs but he also gave us useful advice on what we might encounter and what to take, hence I have a medical kit that would stock one of the small hospitals, that hopefully we won’t have to encounter.

For the past week I have been waking up with a feeling fluctuating between wild excitement and mild panic. My “To Do” list had reached 5 pages. I sympathise with Henry Morton Stanley (I am reading his book, “How I found Livingstone”), who embarked on a trip into the same areas that we are going into a 140 years ago. He devoted an entire chapter on “How to prepare for an expedition into Central Africa”.  As he tossed in his bed at night he asked the following questions: How much money is required? How many carriers? How many soldiers? How much cloth? How many beads? How much wire? What kinds of cloth are required for different tribes? And so on. He made pages of notes, calculations and estimates of keeping 100 men for 1 year. These issues were of more concern to him than the geographical, ethnological and other information pertaining to the study of Central Africa as, even in 1871; this information was readily available to him from traders. Likewise, our route maps (thanks to Doris) are of less concern than the admin and what to take. In saying this, Graeme has studied books, magazines, web sites and every 4x4 site imaginable to plot our route. Our previous trips into Mozambique, Botswana, Namibia and around South Africa were a breeze compared to the preparations needed for this trip.

Preparations completed, we left in our Discovery with a roof rack and trailer, all fully laden – we look like a taxi heading up to Zimbabwe.

The last two weeks have not all been about work, we have done lots of socialising, with numerous “last suppers” as they have fondly become known amongst family and friends. At one of our “last suppers” we were given a Survival pack, with instructions by our friends, Gayl, Ian, Jo, Jeff and Sally – it included:

·         Duo Pack - Baked beans, toilet paper and body mist spray.

·         Panda’s in Africa Survivor pack: Sta soft – “for use when the kids are there, they think you have only had sex 3 times” and Starch - “use frequently, efficient for 4 hours”.

·         Doggy snax – a snack pack

·         Life Buoy Soap (original smelly type) – Putsy fly repellent, so it won’t lay it’s eggs in you, cause boils that when scratched will cause worms to work their way out of the wound (do I still want to go?).

·         Animal Calls CD – in case we didn’t leave (this week it was a close call).

·         Durex – Uses: place over head while sleeping to prevent insects from laying their eggs in mouth, nose and ears; to prevent any more Morrison toddlers being let loose in darkest Africa; place over shoes to prevent them from getting dirty when taking a bush poop (bos kak); write HELP on the outside, inflate with helium gas (from where???) and let loose as an SOS.

·         Squares of newspaper on a big paper clip – Loo paper to use sparingly.

·         Candle – You will need this.

·         Small rope (with noose) – Uses: tow rope (for vehicle & humans); to commit murder; to commit suicide; to keep contact with each other when taking a dump; for any other reason. Warning: keep out of reach of anyone who has nervous or irrational tendencies.

·         Magnifying glass – Uses: to look for lice, putsy fly, scabies and invaders of the scalp and skin; hold still over dry grass in order to make a fire for cooking.

·         Inflatable Puncture Repair Kit (way past it’s sell by date and half full) –“Africa no fix it, non puncture repair kit”. Instructions: on getting a puncture (you bloody fool), place the flexible tube over your tyre valve and push the top plunger; guaranteed not to fix your puncture but will give you something to do while your wife holds up the car and your daughter changes the spare wheel; ensure you have a cold beer at hand while you watch them work. Warrantee: zip haha.

·         Bottle of Amarula – something useful at last, we will think of you guys as we have a sunset drink at a waterhole one evening.

·         Box of games – to replace Grays Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and Top Gear.

·         Scrap book equipment for Robs – she had already made some stunning pages.

Thanks my friends – I think!!!!!!!!!!!